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BILLY MAYS

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Billy Mays (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009) was an American television salesman famous for introducing a wide range of wild cleaning products that allow you to keep your basement nice and tidy. You probably knew Billy Mays as that guy in the purple shirt that's always screaming at you about the awesomeness of his products from behind your television screen during infomercials, thus intimidating you into purchasing something you don't actually need.

In addition to looking like a bear, and his work in producing and marketing some of the baddest household cleaning/maintenance products the world has ever seen, Mays was also an early pioneer and expert in the field of EXTREME ADVERTISING, due to his aggressive marketing style and unexplainable need to always speak in ALL CAPS.

 
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His signature loud high-energy approach to pitching an array of products and beard has gained Mays a substantial amount of recognition.

 

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β€”And that's from Wikipedia so you know it's true - [1]

Typical Infomercial

Billy Mays will wreck your s#!t.
Billy Mays will wreck your s#!t.

Billy Mays usually captured his audience's attention by busting on to the set of the infomercial like the Kool-Aid man on crack and begins yelling about the amazing power of whatever random gizmo he happens to be peddling that day. Those audience members who haden't yet suffered shock-induced heart attacks or fled the set in fear are now completely enamored by Billy Mays' marketing pitch.

Mays would then go on to demonstrate how astounding his product was and how you cannot possibly go about your pathetic existence without it. He accomplishes this mainly through the use of over-elaborate "Practical" demonstrations and how his product can overcome them with ease. For instance, say Mays was marketing a carpet cleaner; for a demo, he would bust into your house and spill a jug of red wine and a bucket of sheep's blood on your carpet, then pee on it just for good measure. He'll then break out the KABOOM! and get to work... or the OxiClean, or Orange Glo... or whatever it is that works on carpets. And like magic, that stain has had its butt handed to it on a platter.

However, before leaving with just a simple goodbye and a phone number, Billy Mays continued his assault on your auditory senses and promises to double triple sextuple the offer for FREE! And he'll even throw in some Mighty Putty and a couple of Hercules Hooks, all for the low, low price of $19.95 - BUT ONLY IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS!

Because they don't film these things ahead of time and run them continuously, you know.

YouTube Tribute

Billy Mays Disinfects All Over Your Bathroom

Billy Mays and the Internet

When Billy Mays is not yelling at random strangers or insulting your masculinity, he can be found lurking the internet. Due to Mays' reputation for being the loudest salesperson on the face of the planet, he has gained quite a bit of popularity here on the Internets. Billy Mays can be found shouting on a wide variety of websites, as he has been a recurring meme for years on such sites as ytmnd, YouTube, and everywhere in between. In addition, many YouTubers have created parodies and tributes to Mays, but they're all painfully unfunny, because the creators fail to realize that you cannot beat perfection.

Mays has gained a notable amount of attention from 4chan, as well, and he is often used in the making of copypasta. For instance:

HI /B/, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR OXI-CLEAN. I'VE HEARD A LOT OF S**T ABOUT THIS PALMOLIVE BULLS**T, AND I'M HERE TO CLEAR ALL THAT UP. YOU F***ING N****RS KNOW THAT OXI-CLEAN WILL TAKE THE HAIR RIGHT OFF YOUR DOG'S B****, LEAVING THE SKIN FRESH AND KISSABLE. OXI-CLEAN MAKES UGLY CHICKS DO-ABLE, AND I PERSONALLY PUT TWO SCOOPS IN MY COFFEE EVERY MORNING. IN CONCLUSION, F*** YOU. F*** THAT OLD B***H. F*** PALMOLIVE.


Billy Mays is the primary contender to George Zimmer's throne of ALL CAPS copypasta rants, and the channers often roleplay the two engaging in epic battles of wit and manliness, usually to very lulzy effects. Mays gained even higher standing amongst the /b/tards when, in June 2008, a new slice of copypasta was created. The format of the joke became somewhat like the "The Aristocrats" gag, with Mays' boasts about the product becoming more outlandish, obscene and sexual with each retelling, culminating in a spate of jokes about Nutella.

In recognition of his life's work and excellence in the field of EXTREME ADVERTISING... we salute you, Billy Mays.

SAUCE!

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External Links