Chris-chanFrom WhatPort80  Chris-chan (Also known as: "Christian Weston Chandler", "Ian Brandon Anderson", "Sonichu", "CWC" and "クリス-ゃんねる") is a 27 year old self-proclaimed "high-functioning" autistic virgin, and creator of his own awesomely drawn series of comics starring his brilliant hybrid of Sonic and Pikachu. His hobbies include creating My Little Pony figures with his own hair, stalking women at the mall, finding a "Boyfriend-Free girl to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up", and drawing pictures of himself having sex with his imaginary twin sister. We are being absolutely serious here, for once. However, it gets far worse... Background First discovered on October 31, 2007, his webcomic usually relate to fictionalized versions of his own adventures at the local mall, in which he is accompanied by his imaginary friend/fanfic character Sonichu and ambushed by Jerkops, the fake police who give him a good ass-kicking. Yes, he can't win even in his own fiction. His comic aside, he also has a Myspace and Youtube account. His Myspace describes his stupid quest for a "boyfriend-free girl", and verifies his stalking tactics. He's also Old Fashioned. His concept of a Sweetheart, for example, excludes the possibility that she might be black. Shortly after the discovery of Chris-chan, a /v/irgin on Ebaums revealed that he frequented the local hobby store, where said /v/irgin also hung out and had managed to catch a few glimpses of our favourite heart-shattered, soul-murdered nutcase playing Pokemon. He is easily identified by his multiple chins, homemade medallion, and extremely limited wardrobe—despite his chubby girth, he sticks to his trusty ol' tightly-fitted, of-the-K-Mart-sales-rack, horizontal-stripes-in-horrifyingly-bright-colors, half-collar shirts. The Medallion of Power Yes, Chris-chan, as you may have noticed, wears a medallion around his neck in homage to the character he created to be his alter-ego. In public. Not only is this desperately sad, but it looks like he put a lot of effort into it. It appears to be made from Crayola model magic, then painted and glossed over. Autistic people have far too much time on their hands. This mystical object identifies him as the high-functioning Autistic individual that he is. It's speculated that it may also be the magical source of his Psychic Powers, Quick-Play Speed and ability to ward off the monsters hiding under his bed. The value that Chris-chan places on this medallion makes it imperative that Anonymous obtain it by any means necessary for massive lulz. A WARNING: Because Chris-chan is autistic, it is entirely possible that he will go completely bonkers if any Anon attempts to steal it, as it is not uncommon for autistics to become obsessively attached to certain items. So don't blame it on Anon when he shanks you with his Pokemon card tin. It is now known that Chris-chan actually has The comic itself    The comic stars Sonichu, a Pikachu/Sonic hybrid, and CWC, who for some reason is Sonichu's father. The comic initially stars Sonichu and 5 other multicolored OCs, until Chris and fictionalized versions of his childhood friend and the guy she fell for also turn into hedgehogs (this entire storyline is created for the sole purpose of portraying Chris as a victim and the guy who his friend fell for as a villain). He also fights frequently with his two nemeses, Mary Lee Walsh (see the appropriately named section for the lulzworthy explanation), and Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, who is not only a bad version of Chris-chan, but his COMPLETE OPPOSITE. You can tell he's bad because he left his white stuff in Black Sonichu's Rockets and because his name is Chris's real name spelled backwards. What an imaginative character! All this and more, with short episodes of Chris's escapades at the mall peppered in between. What is very sad about the whole thing is that most of it is true. Chris has actually been arrested for "soliciting" and "loitering" at his local mall in Virginia. Some of the more disturbing parts of the comic involve his imaginary twin sister, Crystal (aka Crystalina). The same name he wanted to give his to-be daughter. In the comic, he summons his sister by using a "heart-torch" made of pixilblocks and, of course, he actually made a real one outside of the comic. Later comics have him commenting on how attractive his sister is. A later upload by CWC himself verified that he wants to have sex with his imaginary twin sister, which wouldn't be nearly so disturbing if Chris didn't have a habit of materializing his fantasies. As is that weren't enough, he also started drawing an anthropomorphized version of his dog. His dead dog. This is the only female character in his comics that he actually doesn't want to have sex with. Another character from the comic is Sailor Megtune, a Sailor Moon character based on one of his "girlfriends". Chris has a tendency to use "girlfriend" to describe any woman he stalks, but he got closer to Megan than any of his previous attempts. She drew a piece of fanart for the comic, and as a result Chris made sure to add overdone anime eyes to every character. Predictably, she got tired of Chris.
Chris-Chizzy gets phunkizzyThe "PaRappa contest" he's referring is the following: In July 2007, Sony held a contest (Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown) to promote their Parappa the Rapper video game. The grand prize was a trip to an arcade in Seattle. Chris Chan entered. He lost.
His submission can be seen here. When he failed to win the contest, he got pissed off and made another video of him shooting a printout of the winner with a toy gun, over and over. Not only that, but he had a comment from someone pretending to be parappa saying that he did a "good job of dancing". Chris is so sad that he has to make fake accounts so his Myspace has any comments—Extra lulz in the fact that the Parappa Myspace was registered under "parappatherapingdog". It's no wonder that Megan left him after that drama. That, or maybe she saw his hand-drawn collection of Rule 34. That'd be enough to scare anyone away who wasn't already disturbed by his behavior. Christian Weston Chandler's Illustrious AncestryChristian is descended from Anne Boleyn, apparently. The fact that Anne Boleyn only had one child, Queen Elizabeth I, who in turn had no children, makes this impossible. But, you know, whatever. He also claims to have been descended from one Daniel Weston, who supposedly came to America on the Mayflower pilgrim voyage. No such person is listed on the Mayflower log. Christian's mother is 66 and his father is 80, meaning that she was 41 and he was 55 when he was born. One can surmise that his current mental state shows why having children so late in life is a bad idea. Regardless of this, Chris also proudly brings up the fact that he is apparently a 1/16 descendant of the Cherokee tribe, which may or may not be true. Chris Chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh: FIGHT!!!  Chris-chan's arch nemesis is none other than Mary Lee Walsh!
A quick google search on Mary Lee Walsh finds that she is the dean of Piedmont Virginia Community College. Apparently she thought Chris's "harmless" little sign was an attempt to solicit sex on campus, and ripped it up. She then had him kicked out and banned for a year. He obsesses over her because of this, and wrote about her many times in his comics as a Grey-Haired Witch with a shoddy Devil-Style Viking helmet, that he fought against with his Sonichu character. You can probably already feel your previous sympathy draining away as you read this.
An email was sent to her not long after the discovery of Chris-Chan, but it is unknown if she ever got the email or if she is aware of what he has written about her, though she has evidently obtained a copy of the "CWC On TV" DVD from her pawn, Susan Hannifan. Chris made a ha-ha-larious video asking for fictional character, Harvey Birdman's assistance to fight "THAT EVIL LADY MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for the Adult Swim show. He proceeded to get pronounce "Birdman" as "Dird-Ban". Yes. You couldn't make that up if you tried. He then questioned why he didn't win. For more lulz, he made a (now-deleted) video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur 3. In his own words:
Also, note that despite his loud, squeaky proclamations of hate for Walsh, he still took the time to make naughty, hideous magic marker pictures of her. He's not a Troll    Unfortunately, this is not an elaborate troll. There is far too much detail in this web of depravity, ranging from the frankly bizarre Youtube videos to the disturbing amount of children's merchandise in his room. There's also conclusive proof from around late 2004 that he was wandering stores in search of his true love. The following was found in a random blog on the tubes: [[1]]
However, it all gets much more awkward when he goes in and tries to talk to the poor ladies that work there.
For the rest of the story, Ms. Anniebannany describes his extremely unsettling and awkward advances toward her. He kind of gives his game away by asking if she has a boyfriend, screws up a pick-up line, and outright asks if he can have her phone number, Of course, she refuses like any half sane person would, but he insists on handing her his personal business card. Stephen King might want to take notes:
Lonely Gentlemen, Take NotesKeep in mind that autistics can't help being socially awkward, but Chris is not content to stick with his own kind so that he might actually have a fighting chance at spawning the grotesque offspring he so desires, but insists on forcing his attentions on normal women. His brilliant ideas to bring the ladies running include:
His blog posts reveal that these are his exact tactics to attract female attention (he calls time thus spent as his "Attraction Time"). Because it's obvious that the chicks sure love creepy sign-wearing 25 year olds shouting incoherently and watching Spongebob on their GBAs. Chris-chan's Advice VideoIn this nine minutes of pain, this broken-headed man-baby, closely resembling a malfunctioning robot trying to affectate human emotion, gives his stunted half-thought life advice on the following: Attracting the Opposite Gender
Smoking and Drinking
 Homosexuality
Being yourself
So if you're gay, feel free to call Chris a peanut. War (?)
His God Awful MySpace   He keeps a 'to-stalk' list. PUBLICLY.
Most of his rage and artistic inspiration comes from the fact that he got told to leave because he was stalking people at a busy place, and pretty much resisted arrest. The consequences of his run-in with the law remain unknown. As you can see, a common theme with him is that it's not HIS fault that he can't get a girl friend. It's not the fact that he's a creepy man-boy who wears a Crayola medallion in public, or the fact that despite being a 27 year old virgin he has ridiculously high standards, it's that OTHER people are out to get him. In his blogs and comics, he always has someone to blame for "thwarting his plans to get a girlfriend", despite the fact that he's the crazy one and they're all just doing their jobs. Although according to him, their jobs are to keep all in Virginia virgins forever because Chris was obviously this close to bagging the girl of his dreams. Another of Chris's incredibly sad hobbies is to collect My Little Pony figures. Not only does he collect them, he actually makes his own. Aside from the hilariously bad craftsmanship, he also created profiles for some of them. These include "Cheroki-Chan", his alter ego, and Crystal, his daughter who went back in time to help him find his "future Sweetheart". Considering he's also the creator of a Pokemon/Sonic crossover comic, this isn't that surprising. Chris has a habit of banning anyone from his terrific MySpace who isn't a female. He'll show you who's boss!!!1
As of March 2008, Chris-Chan's MySpace features a background version of the Macarena with Chris-Chan stuttering along with some improvised lyrics. [2] He also feels the need to reiterate the following quote over and over on his myspace, because you might not have noticed it the first time, when he put it in BOLD TEXT.
CorrespondenceOne anon sent him an e-mail full of fanart drawn by /v/. Lulz ensued when Chris-chan replied. Check it out.
Nintendo Power Right when the lulz were dying down, Anon discovered that Chris wrote to Nintendo Power in April of 2005 to discuss the game Sprung, a American dating simulator that does everything one way or another, and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. Here it is reproduced in its entirety for your reading pleasure (or displeasure):
Chris proudly displays this on his website for all to see, oblivious to the lulz that ensue upon viewing. CWC's Reaction to his ED article  
Edits to the article itself are mostly random. He mainly added chunks of text from uncited sources. From these, we learn that Megan, another victim of his stalking ways, shattered his heart. He also printed out the Sonichu News Dash on his website and distributed it at his school, and had another conflict with Mary Lee Walsh over it. It seems that he finally realized the context of the article and replaced the entire article text with the following:
 This was, of course, unsuccessful, unless having a vandalized version of the article up for less than a minute is a good thing. Second attempt.
This is hilarious coming from a 27-year old virgin who plays Yu-Gi-Oh, collects My Little Pony's and draws pictures of himself having sex with his imaginary twin sister. Fifth attempt. Lol wut:
Based on the consistency of his pageblanks, we know 2 things. First, he checks his ED article on a regular basis, and second, has no idea how a Wiki works. Sonichu is original character so DO NOT STEAL!!1
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