House
From WhatPort80
House is arguably Anonymous's favorite show on TV. As an occasional meme on /b/, it is thought to be the only unforced meme in the history of /b/ and one that will nevar be old, because like bleu cheese, Dr. Greg House M.D. is an acquired taste.
The Show
Writers for the show begin each work day by opening to a random page in a dictionary of rare medical anomalies and slamming one finger down on the page while blindfolded. Then they open a book of madlibs and giggle themselves to death because the script is actually copypasta with said rare disease replaced every episode.
Modus Operandi
 IT'S NOT LUPUS, CHASE. HURRRR Because House believes and insists, >9000 times a show, that "everybody lies", he refuses to listen to their 'lies' IE: What they've been up to (usually cheating on their significant other or slamming illegal drugs, according to House, and is usually right) to get so ill. Thus, after ruling out lupus, he spends the rest of the hour pulling genius ideas out of his butt for the patients' further ruination before finally saving said patients from the edge of death at the last minute.
Lupus?
In Season One, Dr. House was attacked by a psychotic bunny with lupus and lost the use of his right leg. Since then, he automatically runs each week's mystery-diseased patient through a series of tests to rule out lupus, which is suggested as a cause of every patient's symptoms in every episode.
If by some freak occurrence that it is not lupus, then the immediate alternative is that it is amyloydosis.
Basic Episode Summary
- Every episode begins with a person doing something. Then they fall over and their nose bleeds. Everyone screams. OH NOES.
- House hobbles down a hallway to his office. As House is sitting in his office railing a few lines of coke, Foreman runs in and tells him that yet ANOTHER patient with a super-ultra rare one in a million foreign disease has just come in. House rolls his eyes, and continues to snort until Chase and Cameron tell him, "It's serious".
- House hobbles down a hallway on his way into the ER while taking some Vicodin and demands answers like a hard boiled cop, threatening to cut off his/her life supply if they lie to him; this usually results in him abusing the patient until they go into a massive seizure. At this point House throws up his hands and goes back to his office to play Pokemon on his Gameboy advance. Several times between steps 2-4, the patient will appear to be cured, but then suddenly develop another symptom!
- House hobbles down a hallway, then wanders the hospital after clinic duty deeply annoyed, looking for Morphine to inject into his frontal lobe. On his way, a colleague walks alongside him as they discuss the patient or personal lives, all whilst using complex medical terms that no one understands. This is also known as the "Chat walk."
- House hobbles down another hallway and House sends his team to break into the patient's house to look for clues. This part is riddled with inaccuracies, such as how doctors know so much about breaking into houses, or how they never find any relatives home.
- After House walks down a hallway, Dr. Cuddy storms into House's office, screaming about how he's not following protocol, endangering the patients' lives, and how she will have him fired. House basically responds to this guilt trip by telling her "MAMMARIES OR GTFO" and proceeds to throttle her with his pimpcane. She then bans him from touching the patient, and he goes and cries to Wilson, who says something random that he connects with some random disease.
- House walks down another damn hallway, (how many hallways are there?) punches his way in to the ER and tries a bunch of super-drastic last-ditch efforts to save the patient like injecting 15cc's of hobo semen directly into the spine and the occasional shocker to try to resuscitate the patient. The patient finally comes back to life and instead of thanking the doctors, they thank God. House tells the patient and his butthurt medical team to STFU, while limping out of the place.
- He walks down a hallway, but to make it interesting it's a BLUE hallway this time. House is back in his office raiding the pill cabinet and injecting heroin into his eyeball, as some song that was mentioned in or somehow relates to the episode, plays in the background.
--Roll Credits--
House Wisdom
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Everybody lies.
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@Foreman: Aw, but cancer is so much fun.
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| —House
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There's no I in 'team'. There is a me, though, if you jumble it up.
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Cameron (@House): Nice cane.
House: [winks] If I know what you mean.
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Reality is almost always wrong.
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(@Pregnant woman): It's not a baby...it's a tumor!
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(@Dr. Wilson): You wouldn't know Prada (shoes) if one stepped on your scrotum.
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| —House
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(@Stacy): So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things turn rough.
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| —House
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A nun (@House): She [a fellow nun] believes in things that aren't real!
House: I thought that was a job requirement for you people.
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Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex.
House: Their mistake.
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(@Dr. Cameron):HOUSE IS NOT ROSA PARKS...HE'S AN ANARCHIST!!!
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| —Foreman
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| Previous Quote | Next Quote |
Gallery
| House Gallery |
Another picture of the cast.
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House is a buffet of manliness.
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What happens when House gets a hold of NGE?
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Lawdy...is dat sum Cuddy?
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Frankie Chase says: "Relax".
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House shocked.jpg
House is shocked by your Shenanigans.
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What Dr. House does when he's not treating patients.
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The great thing about being right isn't solving the case, it's showing everyone at the hospital that I did.
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Sometimes /b/ likes to Roleplay House.
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External Links
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