Raptor JesusFrom WhatPort80  Raptor Jesus is a 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. It rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to /b/, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut on his genitals. Some Argue that he is 4chans answer to other popular deities such as Cthulhu and The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Pedobear amongst the unsavories of /b/, but His "disciples" Raptor Jesus is the only true saviour. When our lord rises again during Catnarok, heretics shall be cast underfoot and disemboweled by his holy talons. The Prayer of Raptor Jesus   Our Raptor, Who art in /h/eaven, shopped be Thy face; Thy donations come, Thy posts be done in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven. Give us this day our daily Bridget; and forgive us our trolling as we forgive those who troll against us, and lead us not into stupidity, but deliver us from /fur/ry. In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server, Amen. The Creed of Raptor JesusFollowers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because their eyes burn with the fervor of the righteous. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their bodies:
Second Coming and "The VelociRapture"The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead he arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Soup and spinning a dreidel. Exerpts from the Holy Bible of Raptor JesusRaptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. "Lord?" he spoke, "Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?" And quoth Raptor Jesus; "All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your "idle talk" does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of" And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. "However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them" And Anonymous looked ahead, silent. Videos
Reach out and touch faith.
Gallery
See AlsoExternal links
Categories: Memes | Chans |
