WindowsFrom WhatPort80
Microsoft's Windows is an operating system composed of proprietary malware produced and developed by the Microsoft Corporation. Windows is known for its wide appeal, attracting users from the most hardcore gamers who live a meaningless existence to your grandmother, who is too senile to know any better. Microsoft gives users a wide array of broken tools and regular security updates that can be put to all kinds of uses. As it stands, Windows is a very reliable OS, provided users don't have hang-ups about their computer crashing every five seconds, randomly deleting their files, and catching fire. History Micro$oft, was founded by Bill Gates with the intention of a ho$tile overthrow of the PC market, $tarting fir$t with the murder of DO$. The u$ability of Window$ 3.1 u$hered in the reign of our Illuminati ma$ter$ a$ we know it today. Window$ 3.1'$ $ucce$$ wa$ due in large part to the killer app $olitaire, $ince thi$ program wa$ $imple enough to run without cra$hing, a$ long a$ nothing el$e wa$ running at the $ame time. $ince their humble beginning, Micro$oft product$ are often ridiculed for having security problems, cra$hing over 9000 time$ a $econd and for being $lower than a dead turtle with a broken leg. Windows has remained the most successful OS choice since that time, despite numerous attempts to topple it. Chief competitors such as Apple and Lunix have failed to acquire a significant marketshare. The tagteam Linux/Unix family of operating systems has failed to gain a significant foothold of its core constituency of stupid people. Meanwhile, Apple has in recent years expanded out of its user-base of no one into a user-base of useless people, but has failed to mount a significant opposition. The purported advantages of alternative operating systems, such as the free nature of Linux or the stupid appeal of Macs to others of similar persuasions, despite what any realistic basis they may have, have failed to capture a significant enough audience. Maybe people are stupid. Or maybe Windows is the best OS. Or maybe it's all your fault! Seriously, go kill yourself. Windows Statistics
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