YouTubeFrom WhatPort80    YouTube is a place where every illiterate on the internet converges on one website. It is also a crappy video site, which was preceded by Break.com in all manners of fugly girls posing, noobs, drag queens posing, clips from gay animes, old memes, and goth/emo videos. Practically everything in the "most viewed" and "top rated" categories are either softcore sexy time pix, clips from terrible TV shows or sporting events, Youtube Poop, weeaboo more anime crap, politically incendiary crap, stupid pet tricks, men measuring their manboobs, and let us not forget underage girls shaking their butts on camera. YouTube is pure drama, the entire user base being full of emotional morons who will whine and complain at the slightest provocation. So much as a drawn picture of another user with the words poopy head on it will instantly cause a hurricane of drama. It is important to note that YouTube was named by Time Magazine to be the best invention of 2006. Coming in second was a formula to prevent cervical cancer (No, seriously). Last Thursday, Google bought out YouTube and renamed it GooTube beta, shortly thereafter the era of The Promised Land began. Unless you're hurting their e-feelings, YouTube users adore absolutely any wretched crap uploaded to their site at all. Many people like to upload hilarious videos of themselves and their friends doing something absolutely crazy like a silly dance, putting on a stupid hat, telephone pranking, or making a movie made of sheer idiocy for the internet to enjoy. YouTube is a website which enables every lonely and desperate basement dweller to spend endless amounts of time pursuing some shred of E-fame whilst providing a home for all others to troll them. It allows us all to grasp the power of online video communication. Typical Uses Beyond finding unfunny crap to watch and interesting news clips of internet drama, YouTube can also be used as a tool for tools to shove their stupidity down the throats of our great nation. Searching for "gay kiss" turns up more videos than you can shake an enraged fist at. The ultimate pwnage for gays is when a gay kiss video is taken down, since it gives them the opportunity to flare up and whine about homophobia on the internets. If you find yourself on a gay blog or MySpace and don't see any embedded gay kiss videos, you may rightfully claim 2 free internets from the site's owner. Don't hold out though, you're much more likely to find a straight, furry, or a diabetic who doesn't remind you of a rhinoceros. Things First Time YouTube Browsers Should Know
Copyright BS 100 years ago, YouTube was a haven for pirates, who made it totally awesome for us by outweighing the camgirl crap with almost every anime, TV show and movie you could think of. But then, one day, some jerk from NBC whined about everyone spreading a clip of The Daily Show all over the internets thereby forcing Youtube to take them off. As a result, YouTube became obsessed and decided to wipe off every piece of copyrighted material they could find, including those taken with a crappy webcam. YouTube also loves to pwn any account that has hosted these video clips, just for the lulz, but the so-called offenders will come back anyway and post their crap again. Update: YouTube has now implementing an automatic pwning device to take out copyright material. The system functions by identifying code in your uploads. For example if you were to download some other useless video off of YouTube then upload it directly YouTube would reject it automatically. It can also detect other profanities such as severe violence, gore, nudity, and Trevor Rieger. The Banhammer YouTube punishment is usually a form of ban from the service by deleting the guilty party's account. However, it remains unclear how long the suspension lasts since YouTube doesn't know how to use email unless it deals with an idle DMCA threat. Some suggest a YouTuber's IP address may be blocked from the server to prevent them from creating another account, sometimes indefinitely. These actions are thought to be invoked for such offenses as violating YouTube's Terms of Service, trolling JackDanyells, jerking off on cam while smoking a Cuban cigar, disrespect of Mia, or promoting illegal acts. This is purely for the creation of the account, after you've registered YT does not track IP's and will not ban you if you go back to the old one. The truth is that unless you do anything that would attract the attention of law enforcement, most trolls can return immediately after they've been suspended. That is, of course, unless you were stupid enough to put your face on cam. Thus far, YouTube has demonstrated that their policy on banning users has, and continues to be, arbitrary at best. This is because many users are given the dreaded permaban by YouTube and are never allowed to return, whilst others are banned yet are allowed to return without hindrance (i.e. Theboringdispatcher, Warren25smash, etc.) Thus there is an arbitrary discrepancy between a permaban and a regular ban and you'll never know which the mongoloids on the YouTube staff have arbitrarily decided to give you. Update: YouTube has made policy changes regarding bannings. They have somewhat relaxed their policy for breaches of "Community Guidelines" but not for DMCA violations - you're out of luck if you were banned for those. Read more on the YT Blog YouTube as a CorporationIf you've ever wondered why YouTube doesn't seem to respond to your queries (once you've jumped through enough hoops just to contact them) or why they do not seem care about the average user - your videos being removed or flagged, an unjust banning, someone harassing you, technical glitches, suggestions for improving the site, etc. - well...here's your answer:  Every Comment Ever Made
Note this does not include comments that YouTube loses in its corrupt piece of crap database, which was clearly programmed by monkeys, such as your genius response to crap nobody cares about. Every Bulletin Ever Made
Every Video Ever MadeNeed hits for your YouTube account? Now you have the power!
Good alternatives to sad dogs are:
YouTube as explained by Sen. Ted Stevens YouTube is a very great tube, on it you can see people who have made moving pictures, and put their moving picture through a bunch of jigawatts, and gilgabites, until it is on YouTube's tubes. These tubes can be viewed by other chaps and can be put on other tubes, so whether you're watching a moving picture about flying machines or the new telegraph, you can always receive jollies at YouTube, and have a gay ol' time. How to score some cheap lulzIf your in for some lulz, you've come to the right site. Usually go to any video which has a lot of views (suggestions would be a religious YouTuber or some crap band videos) and just say something completely against the tide. Then a bunch of 13 year old boys will type furiously about how the internets is serious buisness. They'll probably send you a PM with some long BS about how you are wrong. Here is a generic statement for you to use: "This is a total rip-off of ______________ (insert old band or movie name)" Better yet, if the original poster of the video is the type to actually respond to each and every comment he gets with a long argument which fills the text limit, well you can say the most racist, sexist, bigoted comments imaginable and they will respond with accusations of trolling while also flaming you back as if they think you typed those comments in the height of serious-ity. Find a user like this and you will find yourself uttering the phrase "He's responding, he's responding, I cant believe he's responding." The first step in getting any lulz in the above fashion first centers upon finding a tuber you don't like. Handy Troll Tools
The Subscriber Security HoleSome time ago Anonymous discovered whomever coded YouTube sucks and left a security hole on their website for people to exploit. It involves a YouTube user's subscribers count on their profile page and how it can be exploited. Here's how it works:
The first time a user subscribes, the subscribers count increments by 1, but does not increment any time you do it again. However, unsubscribing will decrement their count by 1. Ebaumsworld eventually found note of this and decided to attack€ Lonelygirl15's page and bring the count from tens of thousands of subscribers down to 0. It has also been done to her longface, big-nosed widow Danielbeast and other various YouTubers like Daxflame and VenomFangX. A script has also been developed to exploit this hole with about as much manpower as an indian call center...but nobody can seem to locate it. The glitch was short lived before YouTube employees got off their rears and did something about it, but the whining from vloggers across the site was incessant and pointed for this short period as many users were upset about losing their honors. Update: This was thought to have been fixed last year but it returned again in 08 to the chagrin of subscription obsessives. It is a perfect example of the ineptitude of the staff monkeys at YT.    
Memes born from YouTube
YouTube ImpersonatorskissyoutubeType in 'kiss' before a youtube video, and you can download it. Ex: www.youtube.com/whateverthehellvideoyourewatching becomes www.kissyoutube.com/whateverthehellvideoyourewatching. ChufterChufter will one day replace YouTube for all your internets blogging needs.
|
 |
YouTube is part of a series on YouTube |
| Visit the YouTube Portal for complete coverage. |
Categories: YouTube | Trolls | Websites